my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
