now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
