Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
