And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
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