Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
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I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
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Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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