My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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