God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
