My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
