Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
