woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
