Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
