it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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