smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
