You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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