You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
you had me at cake vodka
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
