I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I touched a dick in church today
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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