well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
