does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
