like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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