They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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