Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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