drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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