Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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