3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
