I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
