His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
