i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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