I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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