life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
