This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
