I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize