i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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