how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I fill condoms, not promises.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
