By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
