Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize