we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
