I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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