yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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