i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
