i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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