1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
