I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
