Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
