I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Ketchup is God's man juice
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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