You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
