u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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