mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
