I hate your face
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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