Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
