"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
