So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
