i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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