the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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