Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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