By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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