In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
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She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
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You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I use my feet as sexual weapons
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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