i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
