I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
