apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
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Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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