I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
