Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Randomize
