Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
