It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
