If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
