I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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