please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
