so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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