Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
