At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
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