I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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