I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
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NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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