I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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