Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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