so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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